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August 4, 2000
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Homeward Bound
That's it kiddies. Jill's had more than enough of the
great outdoors. As you read this, she's winging her way back home.
Some parting comments from our remote coffee connoisseur...
Coffee With Any One Results
The results are in for most preferred female to have coffee with. And
we have a tie!
Respondents preferred Tori Amos and Catwoman equally for a coffee
date. One might think this a strange dichotomy, but if one looks closer, one will see
that these two ladies aren't that different.
Both share a particular style and craftiness. Both (probably) look
good in a cat suit, and of course they is both female.
Absolutly stunning results ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned for more
important votes to come.
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To Be or Not To Be...Part 2
Being the continuing adventures of The Caffiend and his sidekick
Pajavagirl as they strive to survive outside Toronto for 17 hours? Will
there be coffee? Will there be good coffee? Will they be served?
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EBAYlicious
I am Jack, slightly bored. What to do, what to do?! I find myself asking this
question a lot lately, but the answer won't be found anytime soon. So, until I figure out what I am
doing, I can fill my time with interesting things. Like drinkin coffee, or EBAY!
I am Jack's itchy wallet. Sure, EBAY is just plain fun. What more could you want in entertainment? It's
visual, with all these pictures. It has words, for those that are inclined to read on a regular schedule.
It has numbers, and here you thought Grade 10 math was a waste? Silly you.
Jack is bored a lot it seems so Jack types naughty words into EBAY search, and giggles when he finds
flavoured nipple rings. This of course can get boring too, because there are only so many interesting
sex items.
I am Jack's coffee damaged brain. So, when that got boring, I started looking for coffee related items,
and there are plenty of them, let me tell you. Seems to be a collectors market out there for old hand-cranked
grinders. If you want one, you can find one on EBAY.
Lots of old coffee makers too, but Jack says, best to buy new. You can get roasters, grinders, and beans.
All at a fabulously average price, for the most part. Then again, I was ever so tempted by a 50Lbs bag of
green beans. Last I checked, bidding was at $50. That's $1 a pound kids, now where can you get a deal like
that?
I am Jack's feverish bidding frenzy. I saw something there, on EBAY, that I had to have. Oh yah, I already
had a bean grinder. A cool black Braun with a spinning blade, but I heard tell of a better way to desicate
your coffee beans. I heard a burr grinder made coffee taste better.
I bid, I bid again and I won. It's on its way as we speak. It's an older model from a company called
Waring. It's a cream colour, with dark red bins for the beans, and for the grinds, and before you ask,
yes I will tell you if it is better.
That's it for this week kids. I hope you all come on back and visit with us next week. Till then, have
a coffee for me.
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Random Musings Of Mild Misanthropy
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Donna Summer Coffee: Comeback Blend (Limited time
only!)
A interesting coffee, this one starts out strong, dark and unique, yet finishes mellow, dull and tired,
with a tendency to repeat itself. A good try, though, and holds some promise, especially the earlier
batches.
Order now through Coffee Club Online: only $49.99/lb. USD
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Big-Ass 'Merican-Sized Coffee
Americans love their cheap-ass coffee, and they love their cheap-ass things B-I-G!
Realizing this, the fine folks at Folgers have pulled out all the stops and are pleased as
punch to introduce their new, Big-Ass size can o' coffee. Shown here is the
Folgers design team's rendering of the new size, with our happy couple depicted to scale.
That's 3700 lbs of coffee, baby!
Order now through Coffee Club Online: only $399.99. USD
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Farewell until next time, gentle reader. Do come back again and feel
free to send me your comments, suggestions, stories, whatever. Gotta go, the
coffee's on.
Edward Pants, Esq.
In life's coffee bag, be the bitter bean.
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Is God In The Coffee?
Fuck salvation, I've had enough of church, I'm coming home.
I am Jill's relief.
Props to Jack for carrying on so heroically without me, and also for picking me up at the airport
(nudge nudge).
I haven't had a decent cup in twenty one days and I'm feeling a little loopy.
I've had to forget everything I ever knew about life, family, and especially you and me, you sweet little
spacemonkey. Did you miss Jill, didja?
I've come to the realization that family is just a group of people who will drive
you places against your will, and whom it's okay to flatulate in front of. They can't cook, they can't
brew a cup, and they certainly can't sing, but good lord, I am their unwanted child.
My mother told me that I'm not on Bloor Street, I can wear goofy hats and track
pants if I want. But mother, I don't want. I was born with the curious defect of an internal café, it's
part and parcel of my psyche. The conversation is always witty, the coffee is black, and the patrons and staff
alike are eternally nattily dressed.
I didn't want to be this fucking cool, Mommy. It's just the way the
gods made me. And I'm coming home, oh yes, I'm coming home.
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