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Minty Fresh Espresso

By The Caffiend

    A couple of weeks ago, our pal Jack gave me one of these JoMints caffeine filed mints that he had acquired. Now the packaging for these mints made me squirm in my seat (I'd buy them just to get a hold of the container!), but as far as flavour goes, this thing was like sucking on soap and left a horrible aftertaste in my mouth for about half an hour.

    This led me to consider what the purpose of a breath mint is, and why I have such an adverse reaction to it (and other such "winter-fresh" breath saving treats). Well my little coffee-kateers, I have come to the conclusion that the problem is: I like the taste of coffee. I like the lingering aftertaste of coffee. If I liked the taste of mint, I'd suck on mint leaves or drink minty-tea all day like some kinda fop.

    Where the concern comes in is this: others don't particularly like the vapour I produce when speaking to them after my 8th coffee of the day.

    Now, I know what you're saying. "A self-centered bastard like you shouldn't care about what others think of your breath." The problem is, my little droogies, that I do need to shake people down for favours from time to time. So this could be a problem.

    The solution, I have decided, is that some crafty chemist-monkey out there must develop a breath mint that tastes like coffee, but expels a lovely mist of freshness when I wax poetic to Pajavagirl, or when I pester Jack for more free sample stuff.

    So the ball is your court my minions. The Caffiend is much too ancient and cynical to go back to school and learn the fine art of the chemical reaction... but I do know there are many of you out their finishing your degree, not to "fit in", but to develop that new super-high. I implore you to take a few minutes away from your selfish quest for the latest goofball and help out the old Caffiend. Make my breath freshener taste like espresso!