Minty Fresh EspressoBy The Caffiend
A couple of weeks ago, our pal Jack gave me one of
these JoMints caffeine filed mints that he
had acquired. Now the packaging for these mints made me
squirm in my seat (I'd buy them just to get a hold of
the container!), but as far as flavour goes, this thing
was like sucking on soap and left a horrible aftertaste
in my mouth for about half an hour.
This led me to consider what the purpose of a breath
mint is, and why I have such an adverse reaction to it
(and other such "winter-fresh" breath saving treats).
Well my little coffee-kateers, I have come to the
conclusion that the problem is: I like the taste of
coffee. I like the lingering aftertaste of coffee. If I
liked the taste of mint, I'd suck on mint leaves or
drink minty-tea all day like some kinda fop.
Where the concern comes in is this: others don't
particularly like the vapour I produce when speaking to
them after my 8th coffee of the day.
Now, I know what you're saying. "A self-centered
bastard like you shouldn't care about what others think
of your breath." The problem is, my little droogies,
that I do need to shake people down for favours from
time to time. So this could be a problem.
The solution, I have decided, is that some crafty
chemist-monkey out there must develop a breath mint
that tastes like coffee, but expels a lovely mist of
freshness when I wax poetic to Pajavagirl, or when I
pester Jack for more free sample stuff.
So the ball is your court my minions. The Caffiend is
much too ancient and cynical to go back to school and
learn the fine art of the chemical reaction... but I do
know there are many of you out their finishing your
degree, not to "fit in", but to develop that new
super-high. I implore you to take a few minutes away
from your selfish quest for the latest goofball and
help out the old Caffiend. Make my breath freshener
taste like espresso!