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Sept. 22, 2000
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A Day In Stratford - Part Four
Here is the last chapter in the remote adventures of The Caffiend and Pajavagirl.
In this chapter, The Caffiend and Pajavagirl head for home...but not without one for the road.
Coffee Club Comic Pt.4
Coffee Club brings you Part 4 of a continuing graphic adventure.
Follow weekly a traveler in No Space, as he faces perils and meets danger head on with no holds
barred reckless abandon.
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The Real Druggy
Caffeine: The worlds most popular legal stimulant. Naturally occurring in coffee beans.
Epinephrine: (Or Noradrenaline) is the chemical the brain uses for its regular function. Low Epinephrine levels can impair mental processes.
Phenylalanine: A naturally occurring amino acid, found in most proteins, such as meat. Converted by the body directly into Epinephrine.
See also Aug. 25, 2000 'The Druggy In Me' article.
Purpose:
To determine if Phenylalanine can be used to counter the Epinephrine depleting effects of caffeine.
Apparatus:
- Coffee, and plenty of it.
- Phenylalanine in 500mg capsules.
Observations:
It was a fabulously brilliant day, and the single phenylalanine capsule was followed
by liberal amount of both coffee and deserts. The caffeine made me hyper, like usual, but the after affects
where blunted quite a bit.
Instead of crashing, instead of getting that run down feeling after the caffeine
high, what I got was an even hyperactive state that lasted well on to 4 or 5 hours. Your pal Jack started
his day at 9am and didn't met up with ‘tired' until 10pm that same day.
As a bonus, it seems that phenylalanine improves brain function. As mentioned
previously, it is converted into the very substance that your brain needs to fire off its neurons. What
you get is
a more focus and calmed brain activity. Perhaps, with the right fuel your brain just gets more
efficient, which could be that feeling of calm I'm getting.
Is this stuff bad for you? That is a good question. The effects seem to be
somewhat lingering, so one could partake of the phenylalanine effect on an alternating bases, perhaps
ever other day. Your hubble Jack will do some research and get you the goods on the downsides.
In the meantime, I will be working on finishing my bottle. It says Dietary
Supplement on the side of the bottle, it even recommends 1 to 2 capsules. You can't get it in Canada
as an individual amino acid, but it is mixed into those body building protein supplements. I wouldn't
recommend those unless your planning on bulking up.
Conclusions:
Phenylalanine does indeed counter the epinephrine depleting effects of caffeine, and it makes your
brain quiet. Your brain just putters along, doing its thing, never really getting in the way. Your
sharp, alert, and nothing seems as hard as it used to be.
That alone, in my humble opinion, makes Phenylalanine, worth given a shot. Take care kids, and don't do
anything too stupid.
A Word From Jill
Jack told you all the technical details of what these puppies do. Let me just
say this. Wheeeeee! Coupled with the caffeine, it's like speed without the crawling skin and aching
teeth. My head is hot, my flesh is elastic.
All the yadda yadda yadda details of Jack's latest web design project are
suddenly rendered clear and fascinating. Any nausea I am experiencing is clearly from the sheer
volume of liquid I've consumed. I could easily drink cup after cup without the muddle headed crash
that inevitably follows a coffee binge.
What I've got here is clarity, focus and the drive to finish all these articles
for Jack that I've been putting off for a week. Suddenly everything falls into place. Yippee.
I am Jill's one in the morning desperate bid for sleep. My brain won't shut up.
It's mercilessly dredging up long forgotten details of my childhood and tossing them at me one after
another. I'm quite certain that if it had legs, my brain would crawl out of my head and go for a brisk
stroll about the block.
I can feel long dormant neurons and synapses shaking off the dust and boogeying
down. "Quiet in there" I scream into my head, but damnit, the party continues long into the wee hours of
the morning. I sneak off to sleep when my mind is otherwise occupied.
When I finally awake, it is from the deepest sleep I have ever known. I'm
feeling a little groggy but still alert enough to write this. I have a weeks supply of Phenylalanine,
but I think I will stagger the doses and have one every other day. Jill is a sensitive soul, and 500 mgs
every two days should be dandy enough to keep this camper on a functional high.
Pill before coffee
What is this everlasting high?
Phenylalanine
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Random Musings Of Mild Misanthropy
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"Thank God I'm a Country Boy!"
Well, not really. But indeed, life ain't nuthin' but a funny, funny riddle.
Wonders never cease, and your humble narrator has a little surprise for your
chubby little gullivers. Something that not only enhances your coffee drinking
pleasure, but can be part of a swell breakfast, smeared all over your
griddle-cakes (flapjacks for you 'Mericans) and your eggy-weggs! Read on...
Last issue, kind reader, I waxed wonderful about the joys of alcohol in coffee
and pledged to bring you a review to get you started on your downward spiral into self destruction.
As promised, I am pleased to introduce to you, my new friend, BOLIVAR !
Bolivar is actually a coffee liqueur, so you don't even have to use it in coffee.
According to the label: "...enjoy Bolivar in your coffee, over ice, straight up,
on ice cream or in any recipe that calls for coffee liquer."I've tried all of them
and can vouch whole-heartedly that all are tasty endeavours.
It's also good with sex:
the neck of the bottle is slender and smooth with a slight pinch at it's base,
allowing reasonably unconstrained entry into most orifices. Oh, and the next time your
significant other is about to go down on you, splash a little Bolivar on the
goodies first, and you'll get more laps than the Indy 500. Really.
But I digress.
As mentioned, Bolivar is a liqueur made from South African coffees, and is
deliciously sweet (but not overpoweringly so) with sublime coffee overtones.This little gem is
made right here in Ontario, so you can get it at any LCBO.
Add a jigger to your black coffee and you get a complex medley of flavours.
Preferred coffees are stronger blends. The coffee's own flavour
is enhanced, and the sweetness makes it a perfect apres diner potable. Drinking
Bolivar on its own (over a coupla cubes of ice is nice) is a nice sipping drink,
best enjoyed with a fine Brazilian cigarillo.
As much as I enjoyed the many uses of Bolivar, I couldn't get the nagging
feeling
out of my mind that I've tasted this before. Then it hit me. I bolted up from a deep
sleep under my desk at work and I screamed out: "Holy shit... PANCAKES!"
Damn if this stuff doesn't taste just like Maple Syrup! Only better! So that's the shit,
good readers, put Bolivar on your flapjacks, and thank me later. 'Nuff said.
Next issue: recipes!
Farewell until next time, gentle reader. Do come back again and feel
free to send me your comments, suggestions, stories, whatever. Gotta go, the
coffee's on. "Motion in the ocean, his air hose broke.
Lots of trouble, lots of bubble. He was in a jam. S'in a giant clam!"
Edward Pants, Esq.
In life's coffee bag, be the bitter bean.
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Cubicle Monkey Freedom
Don't hate me because I drink coffee and eat cake all day while you slog
away your life in a cubicle. You too, could slack and slurp, if you had the guts. No, hate me
for my beauty, my wit, my fabulous sense of downbeat dress.
Hate me for my impeccable taste, or my fabulous hairdo. If you must hate
Jill, hate her for the gifts Nature bestowed upon her, the unalterable rightness of her being.
And not for the enchanting way in which she chooses to spend her days, stretched out on a couch,
shoving gooey slabs of cake into her pretty little mouth, pounding back one dirty little Columbian
after another.
Join Jill, you frightened little monkeys. Call in well and dedicate your
afternoon to exchanging witticisms with total strangers. Fuck your diet and eat giant slices of
cheesecake. Experiment with a variety of caffeinated concoctions. Flirt with the wait staff, put
your feet up on the table.
You, too, can be loathed and denigrated by your peers. For you'll find in
your new and carefree lifestyle that the cubicle monkeys are a jealous lot. A meek and cowardly lot.
And you, my coffee slurpin' beauties, will be utterly transformed.
Your newfound freedom will render you beautiful, too.
Almost as beautiful as Jill...
J.J.-"So who would you have coffee with?"
C.P.J."Suzanne Somers"
J.J.-"Good lord! Then or now?"
C.P.J-"What?"
J.J.-"You know, Three's Company or Thighmaster girl?"
C.P.J-"Yes, Thighmaster. Now. Suzanne Somers now, definitely."
J.J.-"Why on earth, exactly? "
C.P.J-"Cause she is old and I would particularly enjoy her guilt.
Her saying, 'Oh no I can't, I shouldn't be doing this. It's forbidden!' "
J.J.-"And she would be saying all this over coffee?"
C.P.J-"Coffee? What? Oh man, I missed that entirely. I was thinking
something completely different! Coffee, huh? OK, I've got no clue."
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