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June 30, 2000
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Gas Burner Home
Bean Roaster
Just in case you dont have enough to do in your day there comes a fine device from the past.
A gas powered, hand cranked bean roaster, is not only useful for browning beans,
but helps you work out those tired coffee cup lifting arms.
Forget the gym with its spandex lycra
clad patrons. You don't need a trainer, you don't need sweatpants, all you need is Coffee Club and this
manual bean roaster
Do not get left behind!
We all know that a better bean can not be had, then one that is lovingly baked and crushed by your own
hand. Not just an antique, this could become a way of life, and what better life can there be?
This Is The All-Singing, All-Dancing Cake Of The World
You've got a fridge full of condiments and nothing to eat. You drink coffee so you can wake up,
so you can get to work, so you can get through work, so you can get paid, so you can go home,
and stare at the contents of your barren refrigerator.
Fuck your job. Fuck your khakis.
Put on a comfy little sarong and toss your futon out the window. Sashay your tight ass out
that door and onto the street. Here's your mission, this is the search. You are not your job.
You are not the manifestation of your parents frustrations. Your quest, the perfect cake.
This is your life, and it's ending one slice at a time. Not just any dry stale slice will do.
How do you know you're alive if you've never tasted cake? Those garish and flat slabs dying
under the display case are not the real McCoy.
If it takes one hundred blocks, you will walk
all night, eatery to eatery, until you find it. Like an angel under glass, virgin and whole.
It will beckon glistening and dark, and you will know, not fear, that this is the end.
Have
a steady hand as you raise the fork to your lips, taste the moist freshness on your tongue.
Chocolate is another name for god, just a little longer to say. Only when the plate is empty,
and crumbs are all that remain, will you be free.
J.J.- "So who would you have coffee with if you could have coffee with anyone?"
MrC.P.- "Anyone? Gillian Anderson."
J.J.-"Yeah, she's hot."
MrC.P.-"Actually, not so much Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully. I've seen Gillian Anderson in interviews and she's utterly flaky. Which, come to think of it might be entertaining. ‘No, I'm nothing like my character. I like UFO's, I like the pretty lights.'"
J.J.-"Geena Davis."
MrC.P.-"I don't like her."
J.J.-"What? She's a member of MENSA!"
MrC.P.-"She's a genius?"
J.J.-"Yeah."
MrC.P.-"Like I want that. It's only entertaining if they're stupider than me."
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